Lead Me Home

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He will help me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise Him." Psalm 28:7

It was Saturday evening and I had just arrived home from Heidi St. John's amazing Fearless Retreat. I spent a few minutes loving on my kids and grabbing a bite to eat, and then headed off with my husband to serve at a Lamplighter Retreat that my brother-in-law was attending. It was a late evening, and I had agreed to take our babysitter home after we returned from Lamplighter. Our babysitter lived a good 40 minutes away and wasn't sure how to navigate me, so I depended on the gps on my phone. I remember thinking no wonder she couldn't direct me there... there were many turns and country roads from my house to hers. I dropped our babysitter off around midnight and proceeded home.

By this point I was exhausted from the little sleep I got the night before. (Because you know when girlfriends get together we like to talk!) Despite my exhaustion, I was filled with such joy from the blessings I received at Heidi's Fearless Retreat and from serving at Lamplighter's. All of a sudden, I look down at my phone and it was black. My phone was dead...no charger, no gps, no way to contact Andrew. There I was, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, with no way to protect myself and no gas station or public place in sight. In that moment, my joy turned into anxiety. Now for those of you that are gifted with navigating yourselves around, this might not have been a big deal. But for the directionally challenged like myself, this was a BIG deal! I'm not from this area and my family and close friends can tell you that driving is NOT my forte. Fear and anxiety washed over me. I felt my heart begin to race and pound. My body became tense and my breathing very hard. I never dreamed that the Lord would call me to exercise fearlessness so soon after the retreat. I'm so thankful that I was equipped with scriptures that tell me fear cannot control me. I recited 2 Timothy 1:7 over and over..."For the Lord doesn't give us a Spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of sound mind. All I could do was cry out to God and pray for him to strengthen and help me, to guide me by His hand. I totally believe my body was going through the symptoms of a panic attack, but my mind was fully controlled by the Holy Spirit. He helped me remain composed and of sound mind, when I felt like I would lose it. I kept saying, "I trust you. I know you. You are good. You go before me. And you will lead me home." I prayed that the enemy wouldn't steal my joy from the weekend so I kept reminding myself of Nehemiah 8:10, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." And I know that He gave me strength to endure the unknown.

During this scary experience, I witnessed God turn ashes into beauty through writing a story on my heart. As I was trying to find my way home, I recall saying, "Lord, I don't know what you are doing, but I don't like this. I don't know where I am, but please just lead me home." After saying this, I laughed at the parallel of this experience to traveling through life. At times, we don't know where we are or why, but as followers of Jesus Christ we can trust that He will lead us to our heavenly home. Jesus spoke to me as I was lost, in the middle of the night, and crying out to Him. He revealed the following precious truths to me...

1. The importance of having a full gas tank. Thankfully, my gas tank was full. If I would have been low on gas, I might not have made it home. This illustrates the importance of keeping our spiritual gas tanks full. We can do this by being in the Word of God each and every day.

2. Keeping our eyes fixed on Him. The entire journey, my eyes were looking up. I prayed and recited scripture. I believe that is what strengthened me and kept me on the course to get home. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer. He enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

3. Life is full of twists and turns and ups and downs. Throughout my search for home, I encountered many twists and turns. At times, I didn't know whether to turn left or right. One moment, I thought I knew where I was, leading me to feel secure, but then the next moment I found out I was wrong, and would feel anxious again. Doesn't this mirror the twists and turns and ups and downs of this life? We experience being on a mountaintop, and then we go through valleys. The important thing is that in both the ups and the downs, we rely fully on Him. When the path looks easy and straightforward, we may be tempted to become self-reliant, thinking we can do it all on our own. We must remember the glorious source of our strength. "Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit." Zechariah 4:6. When the path is difficult, and we find ourselves in the valleys of this life, we must remember to cling to the strength of our Savior. "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10

4. God is faithful. I was lost in the darkness in the middle of the night. But Andrew and I were praying the entire time. He knew I was lost because he tried to call my phone when he noticed I was late in coming home. For a good 45 minutes, he knew I was lost. He didn't know how to find me. But he did know that prayer was the most powerful thing he could do for me. He couldn't leave our house due to our 3 young children sleeping upstairs. Even if he did get someone to come over, it would have been very difficult for him to locate me. So he prayed. When telling this story to a dear friend, and sharing the message the Lord impressed on my heart, she had her own revelation. She said that I was lost and Andrew was praying for me, and how this symbolizes us, as Christians, praying for lost loved ones. God hears our prayers for our lost loved ones. Keep on praying. He is faithful! Andrew prayed fervently for me and God was faithful to lead me home.

An hour into my search for home, I found a major highway that lead me to a CVS. I was able to go in and get directions from a sweet girl behind the counter. The emotions I felt as I neared my house can be described in Psalm 13:5-6, "But I trust your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing for the Lord for He has been good to me." His promise in Romans 8:28 to work all things for good for those who love Him proved true once again in my life. I am so thankful for His unfailing love and faithfulness. To God be the glory!