Embrace the Mess, Pursue Rest...

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." Acts 2:28

It was no surprise to me that after I returned home from serving at a recent women's Lamplighter retreat, our van wouldn't start. I know that the enemy thrives on attacking us when we are devoting our time and energy to kingdom work. So, I prayed and completely trusted the Lord with the fate of our van. After Andrew replaced the dead battery, and the van still wouldn't start, I didn't worry. I knew that God was in control. Our neighbor came over and helped Andrew replace the starter. They were able to repair the van. I am thankful that we didn't have to tow the van or pay a mechanic. 

God is so good and faithful! He took care of us and provided. My trust and faith were not of me. My flesh responses would have been frustration, anger, worry, and annoyance at the inconvenience and expense of a broken down vehicle. And to be honest, this would have been my response had I not taken those thoughts captive and made them obedient to Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. And to be even more honest, that is the way I would have responded a few years ago. But, I have been  praying for God to rid me of ungodly responses, and asking Him to fill me up with God-honoring reactions to inconveniences. More of Him and less of me. 

I wish I could say that my responses are always led by the Holy Spirit. The truth is, despite the fact that God is transforming my heart through sanctification, I still battle the flesh daily. After our van was fixed, I faced the rest of the week exhausted from little sleep and serving over the weekend. Coming home, I felt overwhelmed by everything on my plate and the need to get caught up. I felt the stress of my responsibilities as a wife and mother, and all that I longed to accomplish. As I've shared in a previous blog post, I am a task-oriented, people-pleasing, perfectionist. I didn't handle the exhaustion, anxiety, and stress from feeling overwhelmed as graciously as I reacted to the van situation. I found myself in a funk (as one of my dear friends calls it). I was grouchy, stressed and frustrated with all that I couldn't accomplish. This led to self-pity. I wallowed in all that went wrong and dwelled on the negative. Add in an unusually cranky toddler and it magnified my ungodly responses. The Holy Spirit worked on my heart and quickly led me to confess and seek repentance from the Lord and my children (whom seemed to be the receivers of my wrath). I am so thankful for the promise found in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I began to pray Psalm 51:10, "Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Then, on my way home from church on Sunday, I heard God speak to me in His still, small voice..."Embrace the mess and pursue rest." After hearing those words, I sat down and prayed and meditated on what that might mean. Here is what He put on my heart...

Embracing the Mess

"His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

He doesn't just want me to accept the mess, he wants me to embrace it. What does that mean? I actually loathe the mess...when things don't go as planned, my house isn't in order, laundry is piled up, when everything isn't done, when I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to do the millions of things on my to do list...I let the mess cause frustration, stress, anger, and self-pity. Why? Because I get so caught up in my own thoughts and ideas that I don't make room for Him. My natural instinct and response to the mess is to tend to rely on my own strength, which leads to feelings of frustration because I reach the end of my human abilities. He is the vine and we are the branches, apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:15). He is telling me to find joy in the mess and cling to His strength and power. Joy is quite the opposite of what I felt about the mess last week. Jesus is teaching me that in my weaknesses, His power is made perfect, and that I must rely on Him and stay plugged into the power source of prayer and faith. Prayer and faith keep our batteries charged and enable us to do more than ever possible in our human strength. Then, we will be able to find rest in His power! "May He give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do." (2 Thessalonians 1:11) Thank you Lord for the gift of your Holy Spirit who convicts my heart, reminds me of the path of life, and fills me with joy in the process so that I am able to embrace the messes. 

Pursue Rest

"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

As I prayerfully contemplated His leading me to pursue rest, He revealed the need for me to rest from the striving to do it all, rest from trying to keep up, rest from busyness, and most importantly...REST IN HIM. How can I rest in Him? God spoke to me on rest over the past few days through my Bible readings and quiet time, a Heidi St. John podcast, and a group of dear praying heart sisters. He revealed the need to guard my calendar and commitments, stay plugged into the power source of prayer, protect my quiet time, and lighten up and just roll with the mess. He let me know I can lower the bar without feeling guilty and that it is okay if I have to take something off of my plate. I need to delight in Him and be joy-filled because that is where true strength lies! "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) "The joy of the Lord is my strength" (Nehemiah 8:10). 

Even though we battle the flesh daily, it is what we learn in the process that allows Him to use our messes for His glory. We can conquer the flesh and the schemes of the enemy because His Word tells us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). Fixing our minds on these truths will empower us to embrace the mess, pursue rest, and be filled with joy in the presence of our beautiful Savior.