My Continuous Journey of Breaking Free from Perfectionism, Worry, Control, and People Pleasing
Let Go and Let God…5 words that I have struggled with my entire life. I can remember when I was 5 years old and cried because my little shoestrings weren’t tied exactly the same way and didn’t meet my standard of “perfect”. Or I am sure some of you can relate to this one, the recurrent nightmares of going to school and forgetting to put on an article of clothing and fearing everyone’s laughs and exclusion. I remember even in elementary school days laying my clothes out for the week in perfect little piles. You see I come from a family history of perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder. That on top of the constant lie that Satan puts into my mind that my self-worth comes from what others think of me, makes those 5 little words a daily struggle. I am a perfectionist, control freak, extreme worrier and people pleaser…not a good combination!
I want to share with you a little bit about my continual journey
and how I am slowly letting go and letting God work to mold me into the
trusting, dependent, peace-filled, steady daughter He created me to be. Psalm
112:7 says, “He will have no fear of bad news, his heart is steadfast, trusting
in the Lord.”
I was raised in a loving Christian home and have a pretty “boring”
story. I grew up going to church multiple times a week and became a Christian
at a young age. However, as I journeyed through high school and college, I
allowed my obsession of what others thought of me to interfere with my
relationship with Christ. I began to slowly put Him on the back burner. My
husband and I started dating our junior year in high school and married halfway
through college. We both worked part time jobs while we finished college and
throughout this time my focus was on education, career, and lets face it…living
the college life. I put little priority on attending church, reading my Bible,
and praying. My relationship with the Lord was distant even into my first few
years of teaching.
Let go and let God. My perfectionistic nature, worry, and
obsession to please others led to me pouring everything into my teaching
career. Spending hours on my job and little time with Jesus. I remember many
nights of my first couple of years of teaching that Andrew would bring dinner
to my classroom and we would eat there. He had to come to school to see me, and
the custodians always were running me off!
After getting my first few years of teaching and my master’s
degree under my belt, we began to think about starting a family. I watched as
friend after friend had babies. As
1 year of trying to conceive turned into 2, and 2 into 3, and 3 into 4, God
began to work in my heart.
Let go and let God. In this area, I couldn’t be in control,
I couldn’t be perfect, and I worried that my husband who had never met his
biological father and grew up with an alcoholic stepfather wouldn’t have the
opportunity to be the father he had longed to have for himself. This is where
our loving, faithful God used James 1:2-4 to bring me back to Him. “Consider it
pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.,
because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance
finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “He
used this temporary trial to grow our relationship. I have learned that without
tests and trials, there would be no testimony of God’s power and grace. I began
to pray continually and turn to the scriptures. Jeremiah 29:11 became a verse I
clung to during this period of infertility…“For I know the plans I have for
you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you a hope and a future.”
Let go and let God. After 4 and a half years, God was
faithful and answered our prayers. We were blessed with a daughter, Abigayle
Grace, who is now 5. Over the past 5 years, 1 little blessing turned into 3.
God ‘s promise in Romans 8:28 to
work all things for good was being revealed to us through one little miracle
after another.
My journey of breaking free from perfectionism, control,
worry, and seeking the approval of others didn’t end there. These are demons I
have to intentionally battle each and every day. As a wife and mother, I get
easily tempted to focus on the “seen” –a clean house, perfectly dressed
children, a cheerio free van, no laundry piles, perfectly organized toys,
healthy meals all of the time, and perfectly obedient children. But God calls
us to focus NOT on what is seen, but what is unseen. I’m slowly learning to
focus more on things that really matter—spending time playing with my kids,
embracing those cheerios in the van, waving the white flag at the laundry
piles, allowing my children to put their toys away and not having a panic
attack if they aren’t put back in the correct spot, serving chicken nuggets won’t
kill them every now and then when I need a break, and focusing less on the
outward behavior of my children and spending more time addressing their
precious little hearts. You see when I focus on what is seen, I only end up
frustrated because I can never measure up to the world’s standard of
perfection. I am learning to fix my eyes on Him and let it go, and then I find
He fills me with peace.
Being in the word and praying continually are two weapons in
my arsenal that truly help me to let go and let God...
- Let go of worldly expectations and seek God’s will.
- Let go of the obsession to please others and live for the audience of ONE.
- Let go of anxiety and be prayer filled and trust the Lord.
- Let go of worry and be filled with His peace that guards my heart and mind.
- Let go of worry about the past and the future and enjoy the abundant life he has given me today.
- Let go of doubt and have faith that He is able.
- Let go of perfection and allow His power to shine through my weaknesses.
- Let go of guilt and that constant feeling that I’m not good enough and embrace His sufficient grace.
- Let go of control and allow God to guide my steps because I know that He is for me.
- Let go of the fear of failure and depend on Him.
- Let go of problem solving and be still in His presence.
- Let go of control over my thoughts and let the Spirit inhabit my mind.
- Let go of comparison and be content with what He has given me and knows to be best for me.
As ambassadors of Christ, Satan tries to distract,
discourage, divide, and defeat us. Don’t let him. Let go and let God. He will
strengthen you and help you. He will uphold you with His righteous hand.
We live in a world that celebrates the extraordinary, but we
don’t have to strive for perfection. Inadequacy is actually a blessing because
it trains us to rely on Him. So rejoice in your insufficiency knowing that His
power is made perfect when we are weak.
So from one imperfect person to another ...Nothing we can do
can make Him love us more and nothing we can do can make Him love us less. God
made us the exact right person for the world in which we live, the right wives
for our husbands, and the right mothers for our children. Nothing we can do can
make him love us more and nothing we can do can make him love us less. He has
already equipped us for what he has prepared for us. We don’t have to be
perfect. God made us enough. Let go and let God!
So proud of you.....for letting God use you, for being so vulnerable, for being real!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Love you and your support and encouragement! :)
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